Efforts supporting William, Kate and Harry's Heads Together initiative have all been leading up to today. More than 700 Heads Together runners took part in this year's London Marathon, raising money and awareness to change the national conversation around mental health. All 39,000+ runners in the event were given a Heads Together blue headband to help make 2017 the 'mental health marathon'. It is believed the event will raise millions for mental health charities.
It was originally thought efforts would culminate with the marathon, however due to the fantastic response to the campaign the royals are eager to continue. Camilla Tominey reports "A Kensington Palace spokesman said: The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Harry have been absolutely blown away by the response this week. “Conversations have not only been started around the UK but around the world. They have made great strides in helping to end the stigma surrounding mental health but they have been so encouraged by the response that they now want to take it much further".
Her Majesty is said to be very proud of the campaign. A royal aide told The Sunday Times "The Queen has always gone out of her way to be even-handed and recognise the work of all members of the royal family. But even so, there is a quiet pride in what her grandsons and the Duchess have achieved. Everyone can see the campaign has struck a chord and that by speaking about their personal experiences they will hopefully encourage others to discuss their mental health".
Mental health charities have reported a surge in calls since the royals spoke out. More from Sky News:
'Figures seen by Sky News show that many of the eight charity partners for Heads Together, have already seen a huge increase in demand for their services.
Sarah Brennan, chief executive of Young Minds, said it has also boosted their lobbying power as charities push for more government funding. She said: "When there is public awareness and public demand for improving the services, that's when politicians stand up and listen and that's when funders stand up and listen and realise they're being closely watched and that's how we can make things continue to improve and funding to carry on being there because it's always under threat."
Kate shared a hug with a runner who is supporting Heads Together today and wishes her good luck.
A special hug from Prince Harry.
William wishing runners luck.
Kensington Palace posted this video from the beginning of the race.
AND THEY ARE OFF! 🏃— Kensington Palace (@KensingtonRoyal) April 23, 2017
Their Royal Highnesses push the button for the start of the Men's Elite and the "Mass" Race #Teamheadstogether pic.twitter.com/JdDTdXokBv
The royals cheered on the runners at various points along the 26.2 mile route.
Applause for the runners.
The Palace said William, Kate and Harry were "thrilled" to see thousands wearing the headbands.
Support for the headbands was very much evident :)
Prince William teased Kate with his fog horn.
Inspired by William's antics, Kate followed suit and blew her horn at Harry :)
The Heads Together runners greeted the royals along the route.
High-five.
Kate gets her Heads Together glove on.
Kate cheering on runners nearing the finish line.
William, Kate and Harry handed out bottles of water.
The Mail Online's Rebecca English posted this video. The video captures part of a chat with Kate and Harry, it's always lovely to see them interacting.
— Rebecca English (@RE_DailyMail) April 23, 2017
This runner did a double take when he realised it was Kate.
Handing out medals at the finish line.
The Duke & Duchess and Prince Harry hand out medals at the finish line of the @LondonMarathon #TeamHeadsTogether #LondonMarathon pic.twitter.com/9dve5m7gTI— Kensington Palace (@KensingtonRoyal) April 23, 2017
Prince William congratulates runners at the finish line.
Can you spot the royals?
Prince Harry put a smile on this supporters face as he posed for a selfie.
The Duchess congratulates the Heads Together team.
The Duchess sported a Heads together jacket, black jeans and her MIH nautical striped top for the day.
The distinctive Heads Together logo on the jacket.
The jacket is by British brand Regatta. The fabulous ladies at What Kate Wore received confirmation it is the Regatta Professional Perfect Softshell Jacket. It's described as wind resistant, polyester and quick drying. It's available at Amazon for $27.
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| Regatta |
Kate wore her Superga Cotu Trainers once again today. They remain available at Nordstrom and ShopBop for $65.
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| ShopBop |
For a portion of the race, Kate wore her Ray-Ban Wayfarers (with thanks to Middleton Maven).
And completed the look with her Kiki McDonough Lauren earrings.
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| Kiki McDonough |
It was a fantastic day and a fitting way to mark a year of Heads Together. I very much look forward to seeing what's next for the campaign and how the royals plan to continue to tackle the stigma as well as raising awareness and funds.
We leave you with two of my favourite photos from the day. Harry and Kate above, and this very sweet one of William and Kate :)
Is William blowing the air horn at Kate? Love it! I also like Will's snazzy sneakers :)
ReplyDeleteGo the runners for HT! They're awesome!
ReplyDeleteWhat an awesome event! This has encouraged me to share and support my local mental health nonprofit here in the USA! :)
DeleteThat's really great, Anon. I have also been inspired by this event, the runners for HT & all the people who have shared their #oktosay, including the royal trio. It definitely is having a ripple effect around the globe, as Charlotte mentioned below.
DeleteCharlotte, I don't want to spam this post, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry you've had to deal with an online bully for the past five years. I'm not on Twitter, but I always check your account, & it's great to see you being so open with others about the unpleasant side of being a blogger. You always do a fantastic job & thank you for keeping the comments section so balanced & welcoming. Keep doing what you're doing, you make following Kate a wonderful journey! x
ReplyDeleteI agree Kiwi Gal, Thank you, Charlotte. xx
DeleteCharlotte,
DeleteYou have created "The Bentley of Blogs" for our journey. (not to sound cheesy, lol, but it's true) A most excellent blogsite. A prime example of how a blog should be done. And such a blessing to many worldwide, and also to the Royal family. I do think at some point, hopefully sooner than later, your efforts will be officially recognized and you will be awarded an O.B.E. or something equally as cool. :) You have definitely created a gold standard in journalism. 🌷
Charlotte definitely deserves an O.B.E. or something of the sort! :)
DeleteTotally. :)
DeleteYay! Maybe this will inspire me to go run today:-)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, that's very kind of you!
ReplyDeleteA group of royal bloggers and tweeters decided to support #Oktosay by sharing their own struggles and asked me to participate. I talked about an issue I've faced blogging which has caused a lot of stress over the years. I've only ever told a handful of people and one friend in particular has given me a lot of strength in dealing with it.
Immediately afterwards, two very young girls in their mid teens who are running social media accounts for the royals got in touch about dealing with online bullying. So, there is a clear ripple effect and just starting the conversation can be the beginning of something bigger.
Charlotte, I am deeply sorry that you have had to endure this online bullying. As Kiwi Gal said above, your blog is fantastic and I always enjoy visiting. Thank you so much from a reader who greatly appreciates what you do!
DeleteDear Charlotte, I'm so glad you started your conversation.
DeleteIt is a very pertinent topic in our household and we are trying to teach our two teenagers about respect and kindness while being online. Your experience has encouraged me to revisit that conversation with my children.
Please take strength from the 99% of kindness and respect out there and try not to give the 1% the power. Although hard to do, you are not alone, and with the help of your wonderful friend and now the two young girls, you can reclaim your power and perspective to be mentally stronger to deal with the bullies.
Cara, Australia
Hugs and lots of love from here! You are truly brave Charlotte!! Thanks a million!!
DeleteThank you!
DeleteI think it's important to say it wasn't just me on the receiving end. A number of regular posters were insulted and harassed. I actually had five, six readers stop commenting because they felt so attacked. I guess today is a good day to apologise to them for ever allowing it to get so out of hand.
Charlotte, this is so horrible to hear.... We all admire you so deeply for all your wonderful qualities that shine through everything you do, the blog, what you tweet, your new blog about Meghan - your blog is the place I go to if and when I want "the real stuff" (and SO MUCH MORE!) - not the tabloid chit-chat.
DeleteYou have done an absolutely marvelous job with keeping the tone civil and respectful. It´s incredibly hard. And, it´s a learning process, so, sure, it sometimes can get "out of hand", I guess it´s a bit like the "massive learning curve" the Duchess mentioned when talking about her first weeks alone with George, right? ;-)))
I hope whoever felt attacked will find the courage to come back. Let´s not let the "trolls and haters" win!
Hugs and love from (sunny again :-)) )Southern Germany!
I guess it really is #oktosay, isn't it, Charlotte? I'm glad you feel supported now, but if you hadn't opened up about it to some people you might still be feeling attacked and bullied for not meeting someone's expectations of how it should be run and what can be said.
DeleteGlad you were able to keep going. Smooches from bluhare!
You are such a sweet and caring person, Charlotte. You didn't know how to handle it at the time. I remember your struggle. Kind of you to apologize but please don't carry any bad feelings about yourself because of it. Promise? :) 💐
DeleteSo sorry! From my perspective, your blog is the best Duchess Kate blog out there. As you explain the charity & higher purpose for each royal visit along with fun fashion highlights, always staying positive & encouraging, you give us a break from heavy things in the world. Be encouraged that you help OUR mental health by having this blog. Unfortunately, we have to live in this fallen world where evil is allowed to persist for a time. The hope for Christians is, "But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ" (Philippians 3:20) Let us support one another in the meantime. You are wonderful, Charlotte!
DeleteCharlotte, I am so sorry you have had to deal with bullying. The daughter of a close friend had to deal with it last year at school, and I saw how much is destabilized her and (temporarily, thank goodness) ruined her sense of herself and her self-confidence. So my empathy and support goes to you. I am glad you had support while you were dealing with it. You have worked so hard to manage this blog to make it a safe and welcoming place while still giving people space to share differing views. And that is an incredibly difficult line to walk. You have done it so well, and I am so grateful to you, because this blog does mean quite a lot to me at this point.
DeleteCharlotte, I'm so sorry you've had to experience that! Has the issue been resolved now or is it still going on?
DeleteBullying is so hateful, and hurtful. Your wonderful blog is such fun to be a part of, and brings happiness to so many. You are loved by your posters.
DeleteCharlotte, I am an avid reader and fan, but seldom comment. I have always thought your blog is the very best there is and am horrified that you suffered abuse. What kind of people would do that? I am SO glad it has not put you off because we really do VALUE what you do.
DeleteIt's the last thing you deserve, Charlotte. This should be a "place" where people gather because they enjoy the subject matter. What a concept. In an ideal world (I know!) it would be easier if everyone could post via a Google account.
DeleteThings have improved conversation-wise, but I still observe hit and run comments made with the intention of stirring the pot, while more "supportive" comments are posted under familiar monikers. Names change; style and overall message do not.
I hope that that episode has been put to rest and there will be no repeat of that. It is safe to say that this blog brings joy to many - it is clear from reading the comments.
DeleteLoved seeing the pictures. Marathons are great. Almost makes me want to run one again.
Hi Charlotte. Was wondering why you did not post my comment about you being bullied. It wrote it around 15:46. You posted one of my comments. But not one relating yo,your post. Did you not get it
DeleteThanks v
Charlotte - Your blog is the best. Ever. Period. You are amazing. I am appalled anyone every treated you unkindly. I do nothing online. No facebook, nothing, because of this reality - yet your blog has lured me out and I even comment from time to time. I am so sorry you have received this treatment. I'll close by paraphrasing Diana's brother when he mused about why the tabloids pilloried his sister: "I suppose true kindness is very threatening to those who occupy the other side of the spectrum." The same goes for you. You're a rock star. Never forget it.
DeleteI haven't had time to chime in yet about this campaign's final stretch and have felt quite guilty about that as I have been very critical of TRH as of late. No criticism here though - the past week, starting with Harry's sharing, has been nothing short of brilliant. This is tremendous, important, transformative work, and truly worthy of the platform they can so effortlessly monopolize. I hope in addition to those this campaign will help, that this campaign will open their eyes to what they truly can achieve with their unique and privileged positions. The fact that this is all that Diana could have hoped for makes it that much more special in my eyes. To have Britain -and the world - encouraged to bring the other half of our selves - our emotional selves - out into the open, even when that half is not doing well - that seems to be the other piece of her legacy that needs tending to. Its fantastic. Bravo.
DeleteCharlotte,
DeleteNow that is a conversation, and good news is that there is a group willing to discuss within the same line of work. Your openness and flexibility to share with them and us is nice. This is a very special blog; many commenters including myself acknowledge that. What happens continually is to keep getting an end product from your skill and commitment. Stress in sporadic now and then, can be a part of life, but over a period of time it can be a treacherous thing which can engulf a person's life. Unnecessary source of stress is one thing you don't deserve and hopefully avoid. You have a passion and purpose and negative challenges can have some difficult days. One person’s passion can be another person’s nightmare. It should not mean you or others be bullied and harassed. The best revenge is to keep going and keep up. Best Wishes!
Charlotte, you do such a brilliant job, not just putting together the most wonderful posts, but moderating the discussion in a fair way and thinking up new creative ideas. You work so tremendously hard for all of us. I knew there had been issues in the past and am so sorry you've had to go through such a hurtful and unnecessary thing. My sympathy to Mr Charlotte and your family too as they can help but be affected.
DeleteI hope to that the person who feels the need to bully and be abusive and all people who do find that in themselves to start a conversation with an appropriate professional. There must be huge anger that leads to such conduct.
Julia
Yay, they are off! Praying that all will go well!! Charlotte, I don't know how you can do a public blog--I would be a weeping mess. But thank you, thank you for doing so.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jo :)
DeleteHmm i love that the join the runners. Hmm. I myself yes i get sorry for charlotte i join the conversation As well. I get never used that I lot people dealing with all that
ReplyDeleteHmm i love that the join the runners. Hmm. I myself yes i get sorry for charlotte i join the conversation As well. I get never used that I lot people dealing with all that
ReplyDeleteI've never been so excited for a marathon in my life!!!
ReplyDeleteyou do amazing work Charlotte. In the podcast, Harry was asked what keeps him sane. Your brilliant work on this blog and the community of commenters is something that helps me stay sane. I don't comment often, but I appreciate this space.
On an unimportant note, have the superga trainers replaced the mint velvet plimsolls?
Thank you Charlotte for speaking out. You and the many many others who have also spoken. It take courage to speak and I aplaude you all.
ReplyDeletea couple of days ago, someone commented wishing that Heads Together was telling people what to say and not just encouraging people to start a conversation about mental health. I think simply encouraging people to talk is good because every situation is different and so the correct thing to say to one person may not be the correct thing to say to someone else.
ReplyDeleteone experience I had: One day a coworker reads a simple FYI email I sent and comes to my cublicle blowing up at me. It was an innocent keeping her in the loop email but she was flipping out over it. I tried, unsuccessfully, to difuse the situation then but eventually she headed down the hallway to another room still fuming. I opened that email and reread it multiple times to see if I could find what caused such a reaction, and I couldnt. Then I remembered that her mother and grandmother both had medical issues, with this coworker being THE medical caretaker for both. She was the one who made sure they got to doctor appointments, she was the one who dealt with doctor offices, she was the one who dealt with the insurance companies, etc. So about 10-15 minutes after the blowup, I went down to where this coworker was. I asked her how her mother & grandmother were doing. She opened up to me that there was another medical issue going on with one of them. She apologized, quickly, to me about the blowup. Turns out that she was so stresed by what was going on with this family member that it had clouded her mind and caused her to misread my email and caused the blowup. Thankfully she and I were on good terms very quickly.
A beautiful story of resolution, Anon.
DeleteHmm i shares my story in #Oktosay about my experience in.my highschool years and my collage years its. A great relived that a share my story when i was in schooldays everybody. In my throwing my school bag into garbage ans keeping my pens and papers and geting my lunch for food to eat. If i don't give them the beat me. Then i told myself I don't go to school to finish studying but my parents and my frirnds help me through these years but the pain of the my school years are still there when everybody is talking about it i just don't want hear it or discuss its brings be back to the stage when in school days bur now im ok I have good and successful job im now marketing director at company sea biscuit in production in manila Philippines its first talk these in whole of my story
ReplyDeleteBluefire, thank you for sharing your story of the awful bullying you endured. I'm so glad your parents & friends helped you to persevere & finish your studies - look where you are now - in a great, successful role! You definitely showed those bullies!
DeleteThanks, Bluefire, for sharing your story! It´s horrible that bullying is a problem all over the world. So sad. I´m glad your family and your friends could help you and you are ok now!!
DeleteThat my first tio talk about. It but now. Im happy After 7 years of i not want to look back when the time comes i been inspired by the story of royal trio
DeleteSorry for your troubles Bluefire! Just wanted you to know I always look for your comments as I enjoy reading your thoughts about Kate. So glad you are a member of this community!
DeleteI'm glad you shared your high school bullying story, Bluefire. I was bullied too, and I also don't talk about those days. Could be because it was so long ago I forgot (ha!), but even when it wasns't and my friends would reminisce I would not. They never could understand why. Even now I tend to look forward rather than back.
DeleteAnd I think it took even more courage for you to share, because you had to express it in your second language. And I imagine you are doing much better now than those people who bullied you back then. I hope you take some strength from that.
Yes, thank you. 🌸
DeleteBluefire thank you for sharing. I was never bullied. I was the one that always came to the aid of those being bullied. To this day I still do. My grandson is in the 2nd grade. He started a new school this year and right from the get go he was bullied. His parents and I stepped right in and nipped it in the butt before it got out of hand. Now they know not to mess with him.
DeleteStay strong
Bluefire, you are very courageous and brave. Bullying is terrible and traumatic, thank goodness you survived it. I send you love and hugs.
DeleteTedi
Bluefire, I have been reading your comments literally for years and never once imagined you had to live with those memories. Yet, nearly every reader/commenter here has a story or two. I say this not to diminish your remarkably difficult experience, but to remind myself to consider this in my replies to fellow commenters, some of whose trials have been shared, some still unspoken.
DeleteGood for you! Finding and holding any job is a challenge. You have a responsible job you perform in spite of the shadows of the past. Did you say you had talked to someone about this? What a difference that can make.
Another thought-I have seen this scenario of lunch-stealing bullies played out numerous times in film and television, but have never heard personally from one who endured it.I never could understand why someone would prey on another like that. I guess the answer is--because they can. Worse, sometimes those scenarios are depicted as humorous.
This is truly a long and far-ranging challenge ahead. I think there is more of an awareness of such behavior in schools now, but without support from parents there isn't going to be progress. Unfortunately, I see similar behavior on the internet, which William is working to decrease through contact with media and internet sources.
My daughters were badly bullied on the school bus and at school, yet I never knew until years later when they told me. It was during the bussing of students from one area to another during the integration efforts that came late where we lived and somewhat of a reverse situation than that commonly thought of. The children in a more affluent area with better schools were taken on a 30 minute bus ride to a school in a less fortunate neighborhood The idea was to replace them at the better schools with children from another area to give them a chance to learn in a better-equipped environment- a valid goal. My girls were made fun of to the point of tears for their clothing, their hairstyles-everything. They both made the cheer-leading squads, which was an opportunity for more bullying. The difference was, my girls came home after school to hope and the bullies often went home to despair.
The Heads Together initiative is a crucial need so that other children and their parents will feel free to discuss their mental as well as their physical pain
Bluefire, I have been inspired by your comment to share one of my stories. It is part of the process, I guess.
I was bullied in elementary school. But I find when I return to my hometown for reunions, I have much in common with my grade school mates. I am now sure of who my friends were then. We have so many shared memories. And some of the bullies now speak to me with respect.
DeleteIt has been a long time, and of course maturity has touched us all. I rarely think of the disagreeable parts of grade school, though I know they probably affected my personality to some extent. Fortunately, I had a supportive family, but I am not sure they ever knew I had been bullied. In high school, I found other friends and activities, and that erased much of my earlier experience.
I am so glad you have shared your experience, bluefire, and your story as an adult. Congratulations on your achievements! And isn't it good to have a wise and helpful close friend. I did, too.
Dear Bluefire,
Deletethank you for being so open and brave and bearing your pain on this blog. I hope you are feeling better for sharing your story. Thank goodness for your parents and friends.
I bet you are an equally compassionate friend to anyone who has experienced bullying. You are so right, it is #oktosay
Take care dear Bluefire
Cara, Australia
Hugs to you, Bluefire. Thank you for sharing. It's terrible you experienced that. I'm glad you are doing well now and I enjoy your posts on here! We all desrrve to feel happiness and joy so keep reaching for it! 😊❤
DeleteBluefire what you went through is terrible and am glad you've gone on to have a brilliant career and have handled it with great courage. It's the bullies' problem but that makes it no easier to go through. Hugs to you.
DeleteSadly, it seems that so many of us have experienced bullying in school. I'm afraid I'm of that number although it was mild compared to many here. It's just so sad to think how many more outside the blog must be affected by it. I don't have particularly happy memories of junior school because of it - and again I don't talk about it. I met one of the bullies later in life and she said to a mutual acquaintance she was surprised I didn't say anything but I had a good job and a loving husband and she didn't so what's to say.
Now Head's Together has taken off -breaking off to the separate issue of bullying even more would be a great thing. It's an extremely difficult thing to stop but we can but try.
Hmm i love that they support the. London marathon runners
ReplyDeleteThanks for the post. When will we see the duchess next?
ReplyDeleteI believe May 11th
DeleteWhat a marvellous event, and even the weather looks fine! Thank you so much, Charlotte, for all your lovely and ballanced posts. And the best of luck with the future of your blog(s)! :) Your dedication is really appreciated!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your hard work as always Charlotte and thank you for speaking up today.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, I think it's quite funny and typically Kate that she seems to have had her Heads Together jacket tailored so that it's a flattering peplum shape. :)
I am so excited for Kate today because this is truly legacy work. This will be what she's known for years from now, similar to Diana touching AIDS patients. I know other royal fans shared my concern that for years Kate seemed to flounder a bit - she showed up at various engagements for various charities but what was she actually DOING to make a real difference? She has found her purpose and it's one that will truly change lives.
Penny, I agree 100%. She's really made Heads Together her own and as it says in Charlotte's wonderful post, the charities involved already notice a difference.
DeleteAnd speaking of typically Kate - she's wearing her heart-shaped earrings again. I don't think that's a coincidence ;)
Hey Charlotte. I too have experienced vicious cyber bullying and I hope you know that so many of us readers appreciate all your incredible work. Your posts are measured, well written, delightful to read, insightful and brighten my day regularly. Keep up the good work. We back you! Thanks for sharing with us.
ReplyDeleteWilliam teasing Kate with the fog horn. Typical. Men, lol. Not to be ruffled by it, Kate joined in the light-heartedness of it all by sharing the "fun" with Harry. It is so heartwarming to see that rapport. Harry truly has a strong friend in Kate. Such a blessing.
ReplyDeleteI truly enjoy seeing the trio interact. It speaks volumes. Without a doubt, Kate has Harry's back, and vice versa. A blessing indeed! :-)
DeleteI agree and I do hope it continues this way even after there is "someone" new by Harry's side! :) How great it would be if his future partner could be a real friend for Kate and a "sister" for William.
DeleteIm a four time Marine Corps Marathoner myself and I can totally relate to the energy of the runners! Kudos to W, K and H to support the runners all throughout the 26.2 miles,,Im sure it must've been a lovely surprise to see them at various stops along the run!!XOXO
ReplyDeleteIt was so awesome to see their heartfelt interactions with people today. I am so glad that they were allowed to do that and safely. And for those who don't think Kate gives hugs (she does), please note the photo of Kate giving a hug today. Love the photo of the three runners simultaneously giving Harry big hugs. A classic photo. Love how William seemed to enjoy being sprayed with water by one runner. Of course Kate was not amused as her hair would have been messed up. I would have felt the same. Actually surprised that security had no reaction on that one. And apparently the Queen has singled out W,K,H's efforts by a statement made from her people. Sweet. So much positive energy worldwide from all this. Quite a phenomenon, actually.
ReplyDeleteExcellent concept Kate and great follow through from all three. Good leaders help people and inspire and empower them to better lives. William, Kate and Harry are good leaders. Harry's Invictus games have boldly changed the world for the better also. Huge kudos and hugs to all three. Diana would not be surprised necessarily but she would be amazed. Quite a harvest from her seeds of kindness sown and the harvest is just beginning. HalleluYah. 🎉
It speaks volumes that the Queen chimed in on this. Pity that Charles has not, but some people cannot recognize the efforts/success of others (it's almost as if they fear that it will take away from them somehow).
DeleteIt's a tricky spot for Charles - by all accounts his first wife was mentally unstable and he sought treatment for her. Maybe that's why William and Harry are interested in this topic. They aren't going to come out and say that they were inspired by their mother's illness. They both also experienced trauma in the death of their mother who was in the company of irresponsible people. Maybe this isn't the place for Charles to stick his head in publicly.
DeleteIt's also tricky for Charles because his first wive's mental instability was at least partially if not wholly a result of his actions alone.
DeleteHis sons probably recognize that as well.
Agree, Moxie. However, Charles had a Prince's Trust team running in the marathon too.
DeleteRosman, there's no question the marriage etc. had a huge impact on her, but to say it was him alone? I don't think that's anything close to the truth to be honest. I think the seeds for Diana's behavior were sown a long time before he met her, starting with her parents' disappointment that she wasn't a boy.
In Andrew Morton's book - Diana stated that her bulimia began because of low self esteem and criticism that she was pudgy in the press. This was before her marriage and before it began to unravel. It is not accurate to state that Charles caused Diana's illness.
DeleteI don't think anyone enjoys being in an unfaithful relationship - but that, in and of itself, does not create mental illness. Whose to say she wouldn't have had the same problems married to someone else?
No - you are right bluhare. Definitely, she was not predisposed to be an emotionally healthy person. I think that a more devoted man and a simpler life would have made her eventually become healthier though. She probably needed a few good boyfriends who doted on her !
Deletebluhare, it is my understanding that many folks use the marathon for fundraising purposes. And it is the INDIVIDUAL runner that goes and petitions for the funds for the organization. Heads Together was chosen as the Charity of the Year by the Virgin Money London Marathon - again, a marathon underwritten by Richard Branson's company. Charity of the Year gets the publicity. Does it get additional marathon funds too? Has anyone ever established what the funds were being raised for?
DeleteI think it is in Charles' best interest to remain publicly silent in regards to William, Kate and Harry's efforts regarding mental health. The boys are talking about their mother - for Charles to speak would only change the narrative.
For Charles, I think it is # OkNotToSay
I do believe I read somewhere that he did therapy to deal with his experiences being in a relationship with her.
I've said my bit on this subject and won't repeat except to say the presence of Camilla in that marriage throughout would have challenged a person without difficulties - and many people, including some of us here have happy marriages in spite of problems.
DeleteI believe the absence of mention of Charles is notable - and quite possibility this latest book has been the cause of William and Harry speaking out - to show their feelings for their mother - it is really all they can do. Harry has been frank and Diana was frank about her issues - if there was more truthfully, I believe it would have been said, but supporters of Camilla have spread abusive comments about Diana for a long time, that almost certainly exceed reality - and this is completely against what Heads Together stands for. After all many brilliant people including Churchill did huge good in spite of difficulties.
The main thing is Diana's mental health is being used as an excuse for Charles and Camilla - and to promote Camilla's desire to be made queen consort - and Charles' wish to do so - whatever the truth this is cynical and completely against the goals of Head's Together. I'm certain it makes William and Harry angry and they have handled it graciously.
Totally agree with you on this, Rosman. Everyone could use a bit of doting care sometimes. I think I'm going to have to let Mr. bluhare know that. :)
DeleteI wasn't aware that Diana was much in the press before Charles, let alone called pudgy in the press. Why would she have been? She was virtually an unknown to the press, starting out. She was an innocent of sorts. That's why she was chosen, along with her pedigree.
DeleteOn the other hand, if she did have self-esteem issues going in, how could Charles not have known-being the adult and years older-that carrying on an affair would cause her emotional damage? Either she went into the marriage as an adult capable of handling the situation, thus clearing Charles of exploiting her innocence- but leading to the resultant issues; or she was already damaged and Charles knew it. I don't see how he can be let off scot-free. It wasn't just the affair that was the catalyst; it was putting Diana in the marriage to begin with, and he and others bear responsibility for that.
She was going to be a princess. How could a nineteen year old turn that down.
By the way-nineteen was a whole lot different in those days.
If I recall correctly (and I'm 99.9% sure), I believe Diana's childhood nanny, Mary Clarke, stated that it was CHARLES who slipped his hand around Diana's waist (pre-wedding) and said she was becoming "a little pudgy there". The ultimate confidence booster from a man she looked up to and adored! :-(
DeleteIf William said this to Kate, his character would be assassinated without people giving it a second thought. Meanwhile, Diana's reality was far from supportive and loving yet folks (women!!!) are prepared to label and blame her for the marital problems, etc. Let me just say that Charlotte would not post the words that sum up my feelings about that.
Moxie, I do agree that she was prone to illness. But her mental instability was circumstantial rather than brought about chronic chemical imbalances that are with people from birth. She was a sad girl with low-self esteem. There are many girls who grow up without loving parents, broken homes. They don't all fall apart.
DeleteDiana's bulimia may never have begun without Charles and his attention to Camilla. She began throwing up when she was written about in the press and was largely unsupported in her courtship with Charles - specifically when he proposed and took off for Australia and then apparently would call Camilla every day and not call her once ! She spoke with him once in weeks, or something like that.
Had she been in a stable loving relationship she may have been a highly strung clingy needy woman for a while, and may have driven her partner batty but then had a bunch of kids and settled into being a terrifically loving mother. I know women like this.
Becoming part of the royal family made things far worse for her. But I think that had Charles truly loved her, and wanted to be there for her, she would have recovered and we would have seen a different royal family today.
Charles sought THERAPY? Amazing.
DeleteHow about *tea and sympathy* where he knew it would flow easily and be pleasing to his ears.
Whoa. I'm a bit surprised at the 19 year olds can't make their own decisions perspective. People blame Charles for asking, but not Diana for accepting? They had a bad marriage for sure - and it took a toll on both of them. If your partner is not providing you with what you need - you need to move on. Neither was providing the other with what they needed/wanted. There is nothing to gain from blaming people for not satisfying you.
Deleteroyalfan, I had forgotten about the pudgy comment !! You are correct - it was CHARLES who said that.
DeleteI do detect latent misogyny in many comments here, sometimes. It is sometimes a good idea to examine our biases once in a while.
As Anon above said, Charles cannot under any circumstances be let off scot free. And painting Diana as a nutcase who would have broken any man down and have him sent to therapy is wrong. I will explain why.
I have had issues with my own mother on and off, a mother who conditioned her love on my academic and professional success - that made ME highly strung, competitive and difficult to be around. I have been a true nightmare to deal with at times, primarily because I did not love myself. Much worse than Diana, I am sorry to say. Reading about Diana's marriage and her doings have reminded me of my own behavior in my early years. I was lucky to find an amazing partner who loved me unconditionally and his love turned things around for me. I found happiness after years of not knowing what it was to be truly at peace, and loved and cherished.
Yes, people have issues, sometimes worse than others. If we are lucky enough to stumble upon the right partner those issues are mitigated. And if we are unlucky enough to find the wrong partner it can tear us apart and make life living hell, which is what I believe happened to Diana.
Blaming Diana for that marriage falling apart is wrong. Charles and Camilla instigated her breakdown. And Diana like HUNDREDS of women had her share of issues and she could not fight their manipulation.
Moxie, I don't know your personal story. BUt you must know that there is no perfect person, no perfect marriage. It is how we navigate our imperfections that bring us happiness. Excusing Charles and blaming Diana ignores a really important chunk of what makes marriage work.
Nineteen was a whole lot different in those days, 03:15. And I agree rf, Julia and Rosman with what you are saying. The halls of power that surrounded Diana had an effect also. The "suits".
DeleteAlways there. Always busy. Very sophisticated. Always for the Firm. That coupled with Charles and Camilla and their personal camp, the fickle and invasive media circus, her sketchy family support system, etc., it is amazing that she lasted as long as she did and that she accomplished all that she did. I attribute that to the fact that she chose the way of love. Certainly she wasn't perfect and made mistakes, but her core motivation was to give love according to her. She said that she did know that people just needed to know they are loved and she said that that was one thing she knew she could do. Let people know they were loved. She maneuvered through the sophisticated political palace intrigues, used the media to her survival and advantage, taught her boys life outside the palace and the way of giving, countered the destructive efforts of Camilla and Charles, and maintained her existence in the midst of being being befuddled and misunderstood. I believe the goal of getting love out there to the people was the lynchpin that held her together. And, she looked amazing while doing all that. Her charisma and feminity never waned. Granted, Charles and Camilla played their hand the only way they knew how. They truly seem to think they had the upper hand. They were so entrenched in their somewhat unsavory aristocractic and nobility ways. They wanted to maintain the ways of generations past. Charles has reportedly gathered for Camilla jewelry that his great grandfather had given to his mistress, Camilla's great grandmother. But Diana broke the mold and they weren't expecting that.
She fought back. Giving love was her greatest strength and weapon. Dilly dallying around with the son of a influential man who had said more than once way prior to Diana that he wanted his family to more or less assume (with the help of some strong factions supporting him) the throne of England, was her fatal mistake. But her legacy of love lives on. Love never fails.
Rosman, I've been married for over 30 years, and I want so to endorse your comment, "It is how we navigate our imperfections that brings us happiness." A comment to apply to our individual lives, as well as our lives as couples and members of communities and businesses.
DeleteThanks so much for your courage in telling your story. I'm am so glad for you that you found that partner who could help you to find peace, love, and a sense of being cherished. Such a gift. And such strength on your part to be able to trust that relationship.
I've just loved today! What a wonderful atmosphere there seems to have been, and the royals look like they've had a great time.
ReplyDeleteI'm really pleased to see that a couple of the pictures on the blog show people featured in Mind Over Marathon - all of the five in the Kate hug picture above are from the programme for anyone who hasn't been able to watch it. I've been looking out for them on the BBC coverage today, but haven't seen any of them. Hope they all finished safely and are rightly proud of what they've achieved.
And Charlotte, I echo what other posters have said: Please keep doing what you do with the blog (and the Meghan one)! It's a terrific little community that you've established here. As somebody who works from home, being able to follow Kate with everyone here really brightens my days - I find it a bit of a refuge if my own mental health is flagging a bit, so thank you again for all you do.
I agree, Helen, DKB always cheers me up when I'm feeling low. I really enjoy the intelligent and insightful comments from the community here and appreciate Charlotte for facilitating these discussions.
DeleteThis is truly an exceptional blogsite and community. 🌷
Deleteawhh, love the doggie with the headband. 💕
ReplyDeleteI have never run a marathon, but I would have gladly gave it a go to have a chance to see the Duchess!! :) The past few days have really been great, from the video of the 3 of them talking, to the radio appearance, to the marathon! I love running and I love the royals, so it's really been a win-win for me! Also, Kate's hair has been looking SO good lately!
ReplyDeleteHi Charlotte. I don't have twitter but I'd like to share some of my story as part of today's #Oktosay campaign.
ReplyDeleteI have battled Permissive Depressive Disorder, which basically means chronic depression for as long as I can remember. I have been in therapy on and off since I was seven, and first tried medication at 18. Unfortunately it wasn't managed properly by my doctors, and I ended up with side effects and minimal benefits. Finally, after getting my Honours degree in traumatic and triggering circumstances, I had a total break down and was eventually hospitalised last year. It was terrifying to admit I needed institutional help, but my time in hospital and the balance of medication we identified while I was there quite literally saved my life as I was suicidal. I also identified the role my anxiety plays in my depression. After two weeks in hospital and another six months in seclusion, I am now in a happy relationship, and working again. It's still hard. I was triggered in the bookshop I work in by something completely incidental and suffered an anxiety attack on Thursday. I am still feeling the effects. But I am better. I take my medication, go to therapy each week, and am capable of actual, sustainable joy for the first time in my memory.
Hello Nica- My son has anxiety disorder. It is a nightmare for all around. He is a very gifted and talented young man and it is hard to see the waste. One of his triggers is the anniversary of his father's death, with my son sitting at the bedside of the belligerent, confused wreck of what used to be his Dad. It gives me hope to hear of your strong, brave-although necessarily slow and pain-staking recovery. Thank you so much for your comment. He is waiting for a bed for in-patient treatment. Hopefully, his story will some day echo yours. And I feel for our Australian friend whose son faces the same situation now. It looks as though her son will get help now for facing the even more difficult days ahead.
DeleteWow Nica, to come through all of that takes such strength and resolve. You are amazing! I hope you continue to feel better.
DeleteNica - Anxiety is so horribly debilitating. It gets to the point where your anxiety makes you more anxious. Maybe that doesn't make sense but it does to me. The first time I had an actual anxiety attack I was pregnant and I thought I was having a heart attack. My chest hurt, I couldn't breath, my heart was hammering in my chest and the panic was just overwhelming. Like I was drowning. I was so worked up that I started having contractions and had to be hospitalized to stop them since I was only 6 months along. It was horrible so I can sympathize with you on that front. I, too have received in patient therapy before, and it was so scary to take that step. I always used to tell myself, "Fake it til you make it" until one day faking it wasn't working any longer. I was, and am, very lucky to have a husband who is very understanding about how bad my anxiety is. I am so very happy for you that you are in a place where you can feel and experience joy. It must be a very welcome change from the constant drain of only feeling bad.
DeleteSustainable joy. You made me think over that one, Nica. There have been many times in my life when I was not capable of it either. One day, I actually remember wondering what was going on with me. And then it dawned. I was happy. And it had been so long since I felt that way it took awhile to register.
DeleteThank you so much for charing and I am so sorry to hear that you have to go through this. And it makes me immensly happy that you are feeling that it is going the right way!!
DeleteDear Nica,
Deletethank you so much for sharing your story. I am so moved that so many people are willing to share their personal #Oktosay. You are incredibly brave and my heart goes out to you. I am so happy that you found a new partner and you are happy in your relationship. Don´t despair - attacks will most likely appear again, please keep your treatment going. Enjoy the moments of "sustainable joy" as you so lovely described it. I know what you mean. Those will help you to cope with the "not so joyful" ones. It´s a journey and a process - and we´re all only just human, right?
I wish you the best of luck!
Love and hugs,
Eve
Dear Nica,
Deleteit's so good to hear you are in a better place than last year. Sounds like you are really looking after yourself and doing everything you can to get to an even better place.
Thank you for sharing your story. You really are one strong person and I'm sure your story will resonate with some readers who may seek treatment thanks to you.
Take care and be kind to yourself,
Cara, Australia
Nica, more hugs coming your way. :)
DeleteHugs and best wishes to you Nica - you are so courageous - as are all who have commented here - and I hope the joy sustains. As someone who sought help for my phobia, I'm a huge believer in seeking all the help possible - but know how difficult it is not to lapse back.
DeleteSo far Head's Together has been wonderful but general - I hope it comes to be a little more specific - separating life's troubles and sadness that we all experience from real medical conditions that many experience that affects mental help and often requires professional support and medication - Both these areas are hugely important and worthy of attention.
I just know that Meghan would so loved to have been there and been part of all the fun. And Harry would have would have liked that also. Don't you think?
ReplyDeleteI love how Kate is always mindful to make sure Harry doesn't feel left out. So that helped, no doubt.
Thanks for sharing, Charlotte! Part of having the conversation is often exposing sin to the light of day. Sometimes that is enough to quench the meanness. Hoping it ends as it is exposed. Your blog is such a delight to so many of us!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you Charlotte. I have been reading your blog since day 1 and it is my go to source! I am finally prompted today to write to say thank you! It disturbs me to hear of your online bully and I wanted to know how grateful I am for the time, energy and resourcefulness you put into every post. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI'm very thrilled that such very influential people have chosen such an important cause, very dear to my heart (about to graduate med school and start my residency...in psych), to champion. The stigma against mental health is one of the most harmful things in society today. I hope the marathon raises a ton of money for mental health charities. I'm about to do my own #okaytosay but first...real quick shallow note :P - ughh if Kate has to wear skinnies I wish they would at least be the ones from when she raced Harry and William...those at least were not obnoxiously short in length. And also not sure why she picked today to have "blowout hair"...the fact that it's down at all kind of bugs me but the waves seem the most out of place...if she had to keep it down, I wish she went the straightened completely route...although this outfit/engagement is just crying out for a ponytail. However, she also looks gorgeous haha. People have mentioned her changed eye makeup this year and I agree wholeheartedly that it's helped her look so much. I also honestly think she's gained a few healthy pounds, starting since after the Canada tour, and it's making her face (and body!) even more gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteOh also....if the whole day involves in part having as many ppl as possible wear those headbands...then why aren't these three wearing them?! That seems rather silly to me. Not a big deal, just a silly marketing error.
Anyways, done with shallowness now :) I'm about to have a few long posts (I know I know no one's going to read even one of them and I'm still gonna have multiple :P)
WOW-hair complaints today? NOT a marketing error. I am one hundred percent sure they did not wear headbands so security could spot them 100 percent of the time. I would not be surprised if under the black jackets there was also other elements of safety and security. It was a wonderfully successful event.
DeleteI didn't think about the head bands but I was kind of surprised that Kate was not wearing a light blue top. Shallow, but she's so on point with sartorial choices, I was surprised she didn't tie that color in somehow.
DeleteAnd yeah, I wondered about the hair too. I have been a spectator on several marathons(both volunteering and cheering) and hair down is just annoying!
There was a sweet moment in the "water bottle" video where Kate turns around and sees Harry looking a bit lost in thought. She puts her hand on his shoulder and kind of shake him and he literally shakes his head and smiles at her. As you say, Charlotte, lovely to see the way they interact.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great event! Love all the photos, but the ones of William and Kate are just fantastic. You can feel the love between them. The three of them look terrific in their jackets.
ReplyDeleteI second that, Tedi! :-)
DeleteWe have gotten a bit away from style, and rightfully so. I do like it that Kate wears her heart shaped earrings when she is feeling especially empathetic. And of course Mr. Charlotte's way with the headbands is superb!
ReplyDeletePerusing the current catalogs, I happened on a jacket and a cardigan that remind me of Kate's recent pullovers, and thought someone might be interested:
https://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi42467&defaultColor=4449&N=0&Ntt=calais%20stripe%20jacket&selectedConcept=
http://www.sundancecatalog.com/product/soft+sampler+cardigan.do
Time for some spring attire in the northern hemisphere, and the stripes might be nice for a southern hemisphere autumn. Even this far north, the daffodils are out and the sun is shining. So glad that the marathon seems to have had beautiful weather as well. I've read that the Queen is very pleased with the success of the Heads Together effort.
A fun day. Feel we've been super spoiled with all the W/K/H videos, pictures, interviews, etc. over the past week. I think the initiative was very successful and I hope they do keep it up.
ReplyDeleteThanks to everyone for sharing their stories. You are all inspirational!
Off topic - but when does the polo season start? I'm wondering if Meghan might make an appearance at a match this summer. It isn't an official engagement, right? And didn't we see Kate at the polo before her and William were engaged?
Great point, Nina. I don't think there is any protocol that would prevent her from being there to cheer Harry on in polo. I truly hope she gets to be at all his polo matches.
DeleteI think there may be an announcement before Polo season.
DeleteWhen is polo season?
DeleteIf there is going to be an announcement I'm betting that it won't be long after Pippa's wedding. It would be nice (if it's going to happen) that Meghan could be introduced (and enjoy) the Garter & Trooping of the Color ceremonies.
DeleteGood point, Nina. It's quite possible that Harry will have her at his side to cheer him on. A very public setting without the expectations of a more formal event.
DeleteAccording to The Telegraph, "Polo 2017", polo starts mostly in May, although they mentioned some polo scheduled as early as April.
DeleteI would assume Meghan's introduction will follow more or less how things were handled for Kate - weddings, polo and perhaps the garter but probably not the balcony this soon.
DeleteHow long has Harry been dating her? I didnt feel as if it was that long? William was with Kate for quite some time, and correct me if im wrong but I didnt think Kate did official "royal" things like trooping until after they were married? I feel like Harry is really rushing this, i guess im not completely sold on meghan.
DeleteI think you are right about that, Julia. A process of assimilation that will be beneficial to everyone concerned.
DeleteMy #oktosay: I've mentioned before that I’ve been dealing with cancer for the past few years. That obviously causes many emotions, but I felt okay talking about them & people regardless were very proactive for obvious reasons about attending to them. It didn't make me feel weak...I had cancer for goodness sakes! :P But then my cancer went into remission. Everyone celebrated so much, throwing multiple parties. But at every party, I felt more…..not happy. Ppl were happy that I could finally move on: focus on graduating, finding a husband (as per my relatives lol), etc. But while that's the usual focus for most people, I didn't know that life anymore. While others left college and became adults, slowly learning the skills necessary for that, I graduated, got diagnosed, & was suddenly very grownup in having to face maybe dying by 25 while also ending up in a more sheltered environment than college. Life is on pause in hospitals. Aside from school/career, I didn't get to learn how dating and real relationships worked after college. I didn’t have to deal with responsibility like most adults – for ex professors were more lenient bc I was sick. I felt like now I needed to meet expectations of being 25 but without the benefit of years 21-24 to learn how to do that.
ReplyDeleteLemme tell you, there is nothing that will make you question your sanity more than feeling sad about your cancer being in remission lol. I felt ridiculous. How would I ever explain?
Having friends was hard. Most acted like I was made of glass. W/ my "cancer friends" I lived in constant fear of them dying or their cancer coming back. Also, not feeling as grateful as I thought I should about remission felt esp awful when facing ppl who still had cancer doing everything in their power to get to remission. So I blamed myself & decided to stop having friends bc I didn’t “deserve” them. I threw myself into schoolwork, but was VERY good at keeping the appearance of being fine.
Until it all fell apart.
Then, people tried to help, & I knew I had issues. They tried to help me see a therapist regularly, offering to drive me to every apt. I tried but I also made up reasons for why I couldn’t go. It felt too hopeless. I could imagine all the things I would have to work on – the guilt of not feeling grateful for surviving, admitting my many pre-cancer issues like being terrible at change & issues stemming from an emotionally difficult childhood (my mom had untreated anger/anxiety issues), recognizing that I HATE conflict & my subconscious tendency to avoid it at any cost is very harmful, discussing how I dealt with issues so poorly I was really doing self-harm (not physically but emotionally), & then, painfully slowly working on little things to help get "better" at those pre-existing issues & also starting over in all my relationships; having to do what feels like so much just to make a little progress, and then inevitably go backwards too. And finally, hopefully, getting to the point of making more progress than going backwards.
Well, I was so unwilling to accept help I needed that my friends gave up on me. At first I thought this was good. Then I finished school, and suddenly had absolutely nothing to care about. W/ no schoolwork to throw myself into, I finally FELT the huge gap in my life from giving up everything good in it. So I see the psychiatrist a more now.
I wouldn't say I've progressed significantly. I try to go biweekly. Most weeks I go once. But I'm getting better at it. I am still very bad at accepting help from those around me. I ignore anyone's efforts for help, encouragement, etc. But, my psychiatrist & I are working slowly on helping me start talking to my loved ones again. We even practice it, as silly as that sounds, yep, I have to *practice* talking to people I once considered my best friends. But at least I’m working at it.
So, that's it. Sorry it’s so long w/ no happy ending lol. I had HT thoughts but writing this has been draining so pausing for now.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Maggie. I can only begin to imagine how incredibly hard it was to adjust to being in remission and all the complicated feelings--when you've been focusing on just surviving, and not even thinking about what it might be like to live a "normal" life, then I think the change to remission is so overwhelming that a "normal" life in some ways doesn't even necessarily seem easier, as counterintuitive as that may sound. Things are a lot more clear-cut, if also life-threatening, when you are fighting cancer, and I imagine not having that clear path was very confusing and overwhelming, especially when everyone around you was celebrating.
DeleteI HUGELY admire what you have accomplished--completing medical school and starting residency now, in psychiatry. I am also a psychiatrist, and dealt/am dealing with my own at times overwhelming burden of depression and anxiety issues, which I know is part of what interested me in psychiatry in the first place. That and coming from a family where emotions weren't discussed and we kids were expected to be close to perfect, and expressing any needs was considered selfish and spoiled. So I guess that's my short version of my #oktosay. I wish you the absolute best of luck in starting residency; I know you will be a wonderful psychiatrist, Maggie.
That makes a lot of sense to me, Maggie. And I'm very glad to read you're working through it, and even happier to see that you are still cancer free.
DeleteAnd now the blog has it's own future psychiatrist!
Maggie, I am moved by the personal information you shared with us. Accept the well wishes and prayers from those of us who don't know you, as we care as well. I pray for a blessed future for you, with much happiness and peace.
DeleteDear Maggie,
DeleteI'm sure I'm not the only one who is deeply grateful for your courage in sharing your journey. I hope you will find the peace that you deserve.
Love,
Tedi
I concur Tedi.
DeleteMaggie, it sounds like you're doing what you can to help yourself move forward after a really tough time, and that's all anyone can do in those circumstances. Like Nica above, you're amazing to come through all that. Be kind to yourself, keep going and I'm sure you'll get to where you want to be.
DeleteMaggie -
DeleteI read every word you wrote. Twice. No two people deal with life chancing events the same way and I would imagine not knowing how to continue life after beating cancer into remission happens more often than you think it does. I am so sorry for all of the struggles you have had and also say that I am so very glad that your cancer is in remission. You must be a fighter to your very core.
I also understand pushing people away, albeit for very different reasons, until they no longer call. What I have learned is that if they were true friends all they were waiting for was a call from me and an apology or me expressing a desire to renew our friendship. I am not saying that reaching out to them was easy because of my pride. Pride is a very fragile thing, but in the long run it was worth it. You have friends on this blog, even if we never meet in real life so never feel alone. Hugs. Sharing is hard. I am so glad you did it!
Maggie, I have wondered where you have been...but I also don't come often to the comments section. After you mentioned you had Cancer at one point in a post, I didn't see you as much here and wondered about you. I want you to know, that I said prayers for you. I don't know you and therefore respect that there is a possibility you may not believe in the same things I do, but let me say, that it was from my heart. My wish, and prayer, will never stop for you.
DeleteI want to say something that is my own "psychobabble" as I like to call it: I think sometimes, we are in the moment, and have to "survive", so we fight and then when everything is "okay" or at least we feel like we can breathe for a moment, the heaviness of what happened slowly sinks in. Everything you described above is, I believe, a natural progression for what you went through, and I wish I could have been there to tell you so, when you were going through it. I am glad you are here with us today, glad you are in a better place physically today and have every hope and belief you will get there emotionally too.
P.S. You are very young, and while I know it may not feel like that, there will be someone out there who is a perfect yin to your yang. Your past doesn't dictate your future, and thank GOD for that!
Maggie - thank you for taking that first step sharing with all of us here. It is very tough to do and we are thrilled you feel comfortable sharing with us. I will keep you in my prayers hoping that through therapy you find a good balance and can feel happiness for your remission. Kick cancer's butt girl!!
DeleteThank you so much for sharing. The worst thing with all these mental illnessess and bad emotions is the guilt of feeling bad when you "should" feel happy! But that is not how it works! <3
DeleteDear Maggie,
Deleteyou ARE on your way to recovery!!! You had the courage and braveness to share your story with us. It´s a HUGE step forward, believe me. I can understand all your feelings SO well. It´s not nice to have them, but IT´S OK to have them. It´s human, it´s natural. You have experienced a MAJOR trauma and your childhood experiences didn´t really help, either, sorry to say that so bluntly. My mom was very much the same, and to this day, even as a trained therapist, my anxieties tend to get the better of me. Thank goodness I somehow managed to raise my daughter differently, so she sets me straight in no uncertain terms, let me tell you.. ;-)))
Don´t put too much pressure on you. Try to be kind to yourself. I know from personal experience how hard that can be. You have given me personally and all the others here on the blog a huge gift today by sharing your story. You´re not alone!!
Love and hugs,
Eve
Dearest Maggie,
Deletethank you for being so brave and honest and speaking so freely with us. You sound like you are very aware of the changes you would like to make, it sounds like you have a goal and it sounds like you are on the right path to reach a better place.
In keeping with the theme of this Heads Together week, you're running a metaphorical marathon, not a metaphorical sprint on the road to recovery. It will take practice, training, healthy food, lots of water and lots of encouragement. Hopefully you find some encouragement from the lovely supporters of this blog.
Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself dear Maggie xx
Cara, Australia
Maggie I am impressed, and let me say that you are a brave soldier! Thank you so much for sharing all your difficulties and troubles. You have a hard path to walk but I am sure you will become stronger and stronger. A big big hug.
DeleteMaggie, Thank you so much for sharing. Big hug to you.
DeleteMaggie, I can't believe I happened to check in here & read your story! Our youngest Son was starting College out in Boston playing Lacrosse & Really went Off The Rails! His Coach (who had known him over 5yrs of Recruiting) Noticed & took it seriously! We & Faculty sort of thought oh it's just the Frosh Thing! But his personality changed & we rushed out to Boston for an Emergency Meeting with The Coach & The Administration! He was Not Well! They let him go with No Penalty, A Clean Slate & was Welcomed to come back to School whenever he was better! Things got worse before they got better! He got sicker & sicker & despite being seen at All The University Hospitals that Chicago had to offer... Still Nothing! Our Son was Wasting Away & acting like & thinking he was losing his mind! The following year he had a Severe Kidney Stone & all his vital levels were off! He had a Parathyroid Tumor with Severe Psychosis! The Surgeon Saved His Life! She said that had we not known to remove the tumor that he would have died, likely via Cardiac Arrest! He had to go through all the Treatment & then the Psycological fall out of having missed "The Best Years of His Life"! We were, so grateful that he was Alive & we expected him to see The Silver Lining & Be Grateful! He could go to Any College, Still Play Lacrosse...... But to him... he'd lost 4yrs with his age group! He's been isolated because he didn't either "know" how to interact with them (when sick) or "how" to interact with them once he was well & he was living with us at home recovering, while they were off finishing College. His Class Graduates This May! He has all of that still ahead of him. He finally embraced Therapy between 2 Wonderful Drs,but between sorting out all the baggage that he already had & then dealing with all the emotions & reality of what yrs were taken from him by The Tumor, it's been Tough! He's Working Very Hard! The 1st Big Goal will be when he can be adaptive enough to just hold down a simple job! Something many take for granted. Then eventually he will begin College (here in Chicago) slowly & build up as he goes along! He now knows he has been given an incredible opportunity to sort things out early in his adult life, plus he has learned to not be so angry about it all. He still doesn't feel like he fits in anywhere yet. We Are So Proud Of Him! He is doing The Hardest Work He'll Probably Ever Have To Do! Learn Who he is now & how to re enter his life & where he wants to go with it & who he wants to be as a person.
DeleteSo Maggie, I understand all that you said & are feeling. It's ok to feel what you feel & right now it's all awkward & you are finding your way, but you said a Very Important Thing, You Are Practicing! Stepping outside of our comfort zones in situations like yours or my Son's is a Very Big Deal! You are just learning who you are now, after it all. When you feel really comfortable in your own skin & about who you are now, I Promise it will be easier! Remember, one step at a time, one day at a time..... You will get there & you have the chance to be your authentic self.... whoever that is! Give her a hug for me ok? It's going to be ok! :)
Maggie,
DeleteI read your story yesterday in a rush; and it is lingering in my mind this morning. So I read it now again. The small beginning you mentioned is the beginning of a possible happy ending you doubt. The good news is that you are working through it with a psychiatrist. I hope it will all work out for you step by step, and as young as you are, hopefully you will reach a certain emotional and / or spiritual stage and enjoy life. Life goes fast, and youth will not be forever. Later in life, the other dilemma will be to live in regret. Thank you for sharing your story which you put in all the progression and regression of your challenges with a discouraging sickness like cancer. When you reach a point to be grateful about the remittance and be able to celebrate within you even privately, I hope you will find the kind of inner peace and meaning which comes from that stage.
Tammy from California
Delete"I think sometimes, we are in the moment, and have to "survive", so we fight and then when everything is "okay" or at least we feel like we can breathe for a moment, the heaviness of what happened slowly sinks in" Tammy
On point observation, Tammy. It is that stage which can be as fragile.
Maggie what you are going through makes so much sense to me. Of course you will not be completely "together" after having cancer !! Cut yourself a lot of slack. Love yourself a lot and don't forget that you have a lot to give to this world.
DeleteI have read your opinions here and you write well. Logically, clearly. I can see you are a good student.
I hope you power through and get through medical school and you don't quit. Once you are on the other side you will look back and think "I did this - I actually did it". You should have a lot of respect for yourself for being who you are - your strength, intellect and heart.
Thank you for sharing, Maggie. I think/know from experience that accepting help can really be extremely difficult for some of us. It may seem humiliating at first and only later we feel the relief. However, by going to therapy you did it and that was a very important step. Love and best wishes!
DeleteExhausted so can't write much but Maggie, glad to hear from you and that the cancer is in remission. You've spoken with great courage about all you've been through.
DeleteHead's Together has very rightly said mental illness is an illness like physical ones, but the corollary to that is physical health issues, cancer and many others can be linked with depression even in a person who has never suffered from mental health issues previously. I've seen it happen and the same is true with old age - the life changes these cause affect everything and I believe this is an important area for the Head's Together scheme to call attention to since it easy to be lost as the health service tries to deal with the physical aspects - and always when there has been a huge struggle and then things settle - there is a reaction.
Great pictures and writeups, thanks for them. My favorite is also the last one where William leans in to kiss Kate on the head. Wow what dedication and love.
ReplyDeleteWith many people, mailboxes, dogs and blog banners sporting the Heads Together headband, I am surprised that the Royal three didn't wear theirs. They did, however, add greatly to the enthusiasm and success of the day.
ReplyDeleteAs someone else suggested, I think it may have been for security reasons. In all the photos they were very easy to spot. All identical in black without headbands. I'm sure there were plain clothes dressed as runners as well as spectators and the usual burly sunglasses & suits.
DeleteWhat a great picture at the end there. Well deserved too, since the brothers claimed, it was her that started it all.
ReplyDeleteI think the photo was in the Daily Mail. Harry is behind William with his hand on William's back, guiding him as they walk through the crowds. At the same time, William's hand is on Kate's back guiding her through the crowd. At that moment they were all three caringly connected. A very sweet photo.
ReplyDeleteI saw that photo and thought it was sweet as well.
DeleteI think that one is one of my favourites from the day!
DeleteOkay. We all know that the DKB Lion and the DKB Unicorn were really the ones who crossed the finish line first. :)
ReplyDeleteI imagine their PPO's were in a dizzy today, what with people dashing up and giving the trio hugs, taking selfies, high-fiving. You can see William's PPO in the video here have a moment of concern when some guy came quickly and gave William a big bear hug. Then there's the photo of a grateful runner with his hand embracing William's head and his other arm giving him a warm hug. Sincere, albeit exhausted, gratitude. Very touching photo. I am amazed at the amount of love that was very evident all throughout the race. It brought tears of joy to my eyes more than once. An amazing initiative, an amazing day.
ReplyDeleteI agree, SG. This had to be a nightmare for the PPO's.
DeleteI know right! Their PPOs must need a week of after this event. They must have been so tense I can't even imagine!
DeleteIn one video a PPO was swiveling his head so rapidly, back and forth, trying to keep his charge in his sight that it reminded me of a scene from Omen. He finally motioned for another PPO to join him. I would have laughed, if I hadn't been so concerned about the safety.
DeleteI do think that perhaps the next huge crowd event they participate in my be somewhat different security-wise, although I did so enjoy the fact that they were out and about like they were. I they they enjoyed that immensely also. And, again, I think it was very brave of them, even though they did have a certain amount of security.
DeleteI was thinking that too, what a day to be their PPO's. In that photo captioned can you spot the royals? i almost could not believe how many people were surrounding them and touching them and giving them hugs. For some reason i thought this was not allowed? wasnt there kind of a big deal made out of that usa basketball player (sorry, i dont do sports!) putting his arm around kate for a photo? It is nice to see them like this but it also must be very nerve racking for them and the PPO's.
DeleteWait. Is that Lupo with the headband on?
ReplyDeleteI think Lupo is black without white markings.
Deleteyep, I think you are right about that rf. cute doggie though. :)
DeleteDefinitely cute. 😊
DeleteAnd is William giving Kate a kiss in the last photo on this page? HalleluYah. That is amazing. I needed that photo as I thought he was aloof to her at the events yesterday. Oh joy. I am so relieved and elated by that photo. Keep it up William. ❤
ReplyDeleteHaha, surfer girl, I was just plain giddy after seeing that photo. Good to know someone else was too!
Deleteme too, Annette. :)
DeleteThere was also another photo with William and a runner. His hand was on her shoulder. It made me think that all the Verbier chatter might well have been over a similarly innocent conversation. You never know.
DeleteBut yes, that was an extremely touching photo. There are some people (and William is one) who just look quite stiff all the time--even when they are relaxed and having fun. That photo and the Olympic embrace capture the euphoria of the moment and the pride in a job well done.
Actually, it looks like he's talking to her. Though the angle of the photo makes it look like he's kissing her hair.
DeleteThe last photo is my all time favorite of TRH, so far. It's wonderful to see William let his guard done for a moment.
ReplyDeleteA wonderful cause!
Thank you, Charlotte.
Michelle - it's a close second for me. My all time favorite of them is when they spontaneously hugged at the London Olympics. I just LOVE that picture!!
DeleteOh my yes, I had forgotten about that photo! Another wonderful display of spontaneous joy. I hope we see more of it, so I can change my favorite again.
DeleteIn the photo of William kissing Kate (amazing), is that Rebecca Deacon in the background?
ReplyDeleteHello, everyone. Thank you, Charlotte. I am "across the pond" but really enjoy your blog. Great job covering the "Heads Together Campaign" and 'everything Duchess Kate'. I love the last picture because I so very much want Prince William and Duchess Kate to have a lasting loving relationship. It takes work but it is possible. I've been married for 37 years. Great job, Charlotte, and I forward to more life changing impact from the "modern" Royals, Princes William and Harry and Duchess Kate.
ReplyDeleteWhat a super event. The weather was ideal for the marathon and W K & H clearly really enjoyed themselves. They get on so well together and I liked the way that Kate at times glanced to make sure Harry was O.K. usually William spends a lot of time talking to Harry when they are all together but today he was really interacting with Kate and they were really enjoying themselves as they usually do at sporting events. Although there officially I am sure that it was a really enjoyable day for them all the sort of event they would be unable to just pop along and watch unlike the majority of people. Being a senior royal must at times feel quite restrictive security being such an issue. It is so sad there is so much violence in today's world. Just as well it was only water that was squirted by the runner. I was a little surprised W K & H were quite so close to the runners there were a quite a large number of selfies taken but nobody seemed to mind.
ReplyDeleteI expect William will be doing a flying stint this week & no doubt Kate will be planning Charlotte's 2nd birthday which is only just over a week away. It will seem quiet after all the recent activities
In thst last pic I don't think William was kissing her on the head. I think he might have wanted to tell her something. In that time frame it looked like he kissed her
ReplyDeleteWords can not express how grateful I am for the cause of Mental Health being put in the forefront by William, Kate and Harry.
ReplyDeleteI am hoping that it ripples over to the US.
Wonderful post Charlotte !
I so love this blog, and this entry in particular. That these three are so genuinely supportive of such a wonderful cause truly brings tears to my eyes. And as an older stalker "across the pond" it is so beyond my comprehension that there could be any negativity surrounding this...(and I admittedly don't have the patience to read all of the above as the negativity is absurd. Thank you thank you for always bringing the best and brightest of the lovely Royals to us all abroad...xo
ReplyDeleteI am not sure, in that last picture, whether William is leaning forward to kiss Kate's head or to whisper in her ear. But I love it. Also the touched expression on the face of the gentleman behind him, who I think is staff. And the happy smile on Rebecca Priestley's face in the background. It looks as if they are all relishing the success of Kate's idea. She deserves so much credit, and every bit of their approval. I expect her aides also deserve a lot of thanks for their own efforts.
ReplyDeleteThis just looked like a fun time was had by all!! William, Kate and Harry look very happy and quite engaged with everybody. That last picture of William and Kate is WONDERFUL!!! I also looked on Daily Mail at a picture someone said of each of them with a hand on each other's back walking through the crowd. That's a great picture as well. The pictures of this entire event are priceless!! What a great kick-off. Well done! cc
ReplyDeleteThanks Charlotte for that excellent post. I think the heads together cause is a pretty amazing thing.
ReplyDeleteMy #okto say is that I have been suffering from traumas and subsequently PTSD for most of my life. I am 25 now, but from when I was very very young, I have had to be in and out of hospital for several things, at one point I contracted meningitis which left me comatose for several days. From this and other experiences, including a few times where I was sexual assaulted as a teen, experiences with bullying, left my body and mind in a state of constant survival and with traumas. I have been getting treatment these past few years thankfully, but it does put a lot of my life on hold, both physically and mentally. I do hope that I can do something meaningful with my experiences in the future for other children who maybe go through similar experiences.
Again thanks for opening up your blog as a platform to talk - we all have a story!
Sending good thoughts to you Lily.
DeleteYes. definitely. prayers uplifted for you Lily. 🌸
DeleteThose 3 are just wonderful people. I truly hope their relationships are as lovely as it appears they are, and I hope they can continue to accomplish a lot.
ReplyDeleteWell it looks like I missed a little royal news :) Charlotte you've had a busy week!
ReplyDeleteI did see/hear about Harry's interview, that made it into press everywhere and got quite a bit of play. For good reason, it was not just very revealing but very specific.
Looking back, I think William and Kate did a terrific job promoting the marathon and Heads Together. I understand it's harder for someone in William's (future) position to open up too much about things, but I do think he and Kate need to clarify when they're talking about mental *health* and mental *illness* and from what I've seen, it seems they're not "finishing the thought" so to speak.
For instance, every woman is overwhelmed for one reason or another after having a child, that doesn't mean she's ill. I think a "part 2" was missing from their chats. Kate could have said "It was a steep learning curve for me after George was born BUT because I had help and close family to talk to, I was able to deal with it, unlike many women who end up depressed"... there's a bridge missing in my opinion that connects the dots. Same with William.
So maybe it's best for them to stick to the soft promotion element of it, which it seems they did very well last week and on Sunday. William is scheduled to talk more about Diana's death and what the days after she died were like for him in the upcoming documentary, (accord to Sunday Times) so we'll see what he says there.
I also wonder about doing SO much in one week, but I see both sides of that argument. You have to do a big push for a big event. I just hope it doesn't go from feast to famine.
All in all it looks like it was a fantastic week for awareness, and all three should be proud of how they contributed to that. Now Charlotte, hopefully they'll be quiet long enough for you to get some rest!
It sure looks like it is. Nothing until May 11th right now.
DeleteYou are very correct in pointing out that mental health is vastly different from mental illness. I'm not sure that this is totally understood. As a VERY broad generalization, mental health issues do not often need a psychiatrist. They can be addressed by a psychologist, a mental health clinician, a therapist, or a social worker. Mental illness is much more complex and usually needs medication, as well as talk therapy. Here a psychiatrist, or at the very least a medical doctor, is needed to prescribe the medication. Most psychological issues can be cured. But psychiatric issues (bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, OCD, paranoia, psychosis etc.) can only be treated and controlled but not cured.
DeleteIt is vital in both cases, that help is sought, to put the person in distress, on the path to a better life. And that is why Heads Together is on track, in getting people to talk. If someone reaches out to you and you are totally not qualified to help him or her, listen, then seek out someone, or an organization with the skills and resources to assist the person in need.
The “London Marathon” news was in my local paper / USA, an extension of a one of the oldest and national newspapers. It was about the heroism of the two men who interrupted their own running to help the man who felt weak to keep up short of some distance. The cause and the trio’s involvement were of course motivating; it also included world renowned professional marathon runners.
DeleteClaudia
You are stating where doubts and gaps seem to exist. I also feel something is missing. This is a huge subject, even with all the positive intention and effort to destigmatize it. It can have so many parts and hopefully it will be work in progress.
--------
I think there are three parts to such “conversation”. 1. Pre mental illness / preventive before it happens, the cause and how to avoid such obstacles. 2. Once it attacks and how and where to carry the “conversation”. 3. The “conversation” experiencing “mental illness”.
There are eight organizations in this and the fact that funding drive and seeking services is increasing after the marathon is a good development. The up keep, consistency and continuation of informing the public will be critical. I hope they will also put a face on the specialists’ side by including psychiatry and psychology associations and publications just like W, H, K and the eight organizations are known in “this conversation”.
There is so much in pre "mental illness" before it reaches a clinical stage. Any number of factors can initiate and/or trigger it. In fact at times, it is a matter of "survival of the fittest". The most well intentioned and "sane" people can be driven to chaos by the people whose happiness is driven by malice. The later survives it while the former can get lost by the state of mind of "the stronger and stranger" evil force. Who said there is no devil in the world.
" This week, Monday, a very nice college student while waiting for his campus shuttle in late afternoon stopped by where I was sitting waiting too, and out of the blues said, “ my mother told me angels don’t fly, they just walk by. They are people who do well for humanity”. I gave him a brief feedback as he rushed by, and thought, he might have experienced earlier in the day or in his life what his mother told him, and he shared it with a complete stranger. The world has its demons and angels.
Re: #3
DeleteThe “conversation”, after living through mental illness, maybe previous comment did not specify. That is so important.
To have lived through mental illness however short or long has its own scars, insecurities and fears of its return. The unexpected disappointment and/or how it changes one’s life, and the challenges of reconnecting to life, and plan again. I think in this one, Heads Together by its very general campaign contributes to lighten the burden of the stigma side.
Psychiatrists are medical doctors. They must go through medical school, following an undergraduate degree, internship and then residency in their chosen field.
Delete"Mental health" isn't a degree or division of mental illness. We speak of mental health the same as physical health-at least, that is the goal as stated by William. When we ask, "Are you well?" we nearly always mean are you physically well. One day, that question will also equally mean are you mentally as well as physically well. Health indicates wellness and involves health maintenance. When something goes wrong, there is an illness, whether it is a physical or mental illness.
Actually, I have learned in nearly forty years in the medical field that there are few, if any, physical illnesses that don't have a mental component and vice versa-an organic brain disorder that mimics a psychiatric illness, for example.The mind-body connection is an intricate and complicated one and I am wary of making a sharp division between them.
A number of chronic physical illnesses have associated depression. Multiple Sclerosis and moderate to severe asthma are two that are associated with depression.. It isn't because being sick makes a person sad. There are complex interactions of systems and chemicals that are involved.
The line between mental and physical illness is a thin one.
'...angels don't fly, they just walk by." Powerful thought, Anon 15. I am so glad you passed that on. I would add...they walk and stop by- only because of the Biblical parable of The Good Samaritan, who stopped, as those runners stopped. (I read one runner, though.)
DeleteI think part of the stigma of mental illness is the fear of it. It may be behind people seemingly being more willing to stop to assist a person stumbling physically than one stumbling mentally. I think the Jane Eyre-type stories of madness locked in the attic and then escaping to do harm reflect the attitude toward mental illness at the time, which may not have changed much. The specter certainly lurks in the back of my mind.
This is really not the beginning but the continuation of years of efforts to give mental health equal consideration as physical health. Then, along comes an enthusiastic, attractive, committed trio.,,and we're off.
Many of you have have made excellent suggestions and points here. However, I do want to add a cautionary note regarding Bonnie's suggestion regarding someone who reaches out to you and you are not qualified to help. She suggests that you listen, then seek out someone, or an organization with the skills and resources to assist the person in need.
DeleteThat's exactly what I did for a university university student who came to me in great distress. After listening, with great gentleness and empathy I encouraged her to access advisers (there were excellent resources on campus) who were equipped to help her to work through the issues she had shared with me.
She left in a calm state after a "grateful" hug. Turns out she was an excellent actress. Her motive had been to get out of the major assignment for the term, and when that failed she went to the Dean to report me as unprofessional for having suggested to her that she had a mental illness and needed counselling. (Which I did not say, but is how she reinvented the story with more dramatic tear for the Dean.)
This is dicey territory for amateurs. Caution is wise. Starting conversations about mental health and/or mental illness doesn't necessarily go smoothly in spite of good intentions. There are passive aggressive and narcissistic personalities who are very skilled at manipulating others.
Also, the road to an individual's wellness is often long with numerous lapses, setbacks and self-sabotaging behaviors which can drive the most loving people to great anguish--especially if one of your immediate loved ones is the one who is ill.
From my understanding of the Heads Together program, it is designed to increase awareness, help alleviate the stigma attached to speaking about the subject, and financially support the CHARITIES who deal with the mental health and illness needs PROFESSIONALLY. As such, it is a great step forward.
Philly, thank you for the personal illustration and words of caution. Hope the dean gave you his support and that the student didn't get away with any of the major assignment.
DeleteAND, your statement of purpose for "Heads Together" is perfect. :)
Anon16:35,
DeleteYes, it started from one runner who stopped to help, and another one also interrupted his running, and helped out the first helper. Then the man was able to be supported from left and right side by both runners just walking with him.
I also found, "angels don't fly they walk..." statement a powerful one. The man who said it, he looked in good spirit, with smile all over his face and I saw his face briefly and will remember his eyes along with the comment for a long time. He had tender beautiful big eyes, and he looked like a gentle soul himself. From his speech and approach, he was an American may be not over 30 years old. It was a brief and memorable moment. I thought he was going to ask me if he missed his ride, and out of the blues, his remark, big smile and rushing. I told him, " very interesting, I agree, and blessings to you".
What a thoughtful info regarding the good Samaritan from the bible.
Philly, I commend you for trying to help a university student, who only wanted to get out of a major assignment. Her acting skills manipulated you and she was abusing your trust and the system. So your cautionary advice is good advice. I do, however, believe that most people in great distress are not faking it. Therefore I would want to point someone in the right direction to get help. I am sorry you were tricked, but I hope this won't make you regret your compassionate ways. One can never be too kind.
DeleteBonnie, I agree. Not all people who share are as manipulative as the student I mentioned. Ironically, it was quite obvious that she had genuine issues along with her ability to turn on the faucet for me and the Dean. And no, surfer girl, I didn't get support; rather, I was hauled up before a disciplinary panel to answer for my lack of professionalism.
DeleteMany people genuinely need and truly want help. However, in addition to manipulators, there are people who (usually quite unconsciously) only want to talk about their health/illness problems. They have no interest in helpful strategies and solutions or doing the work. Not only because the work is hard, but also because solving the problem would deprive them of their identity. The issues around mental health/illness are incredibly complex. This is where professionals are required. I have a degree in Psychology; however, have not practiced in that field. I'm not a pro and have always recognized that fact.
Of course, I haven't stopped and won't stop listening to people with compassion. However, I am not as naive as before that blind-siding experience, which is why I thought it wise to share my cautionary tale. I no longer take for granted that anyone who shares in such a manner has motives which are pure.
As we begin the conversation about mental health and mental illness it's important to do more than gloss over the surface. It's also important to realize that the system (I'm speaking of Canadian mental health care facilities) fails to help many people in genuine need of intervention who ask for it. There aren't enough professionals outside of urban areas. Those institutions which do try to help are often unable to provide the kind of beautiful or nurturing environment or engagement by which healing might take place. Unlike Harry, some remain in "total chaos" indefinitely.
Apologies for the delay in moderating comments today, I have been tied up with other commitments.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to thank everyone for their thoughtful, supportive comments and to commend all who shared their stories. Seeing the support offered by other posters has made me so proud of the community we have here. X
No apologies needed Charlotte. You are truly appreciated and I am sure I talk for my fellow bloggers in offering a big THANK YOU for all your hard time consuming work.
DeleteI am so glad conversations are starting even in our blog community and support is given. Once again thanks Charlotte
Sarah from Maryland,
ReplyDeleteI hope you are current on this very blog and see my message. You posted the link to your new website recently. I connected and skimmed through the cover page in a rush the same day you posted the link. As you are a regular commenter here, if your name has a hyperlink which connects to your website, it will continue to be readily available continuously even when this blog’s subject will move on to other new topics. I did not copy the URL address although I will search back for the link later on.
Anon15,
ReplyDeleteIf you are talking about my blog, I've included the URL with my name. Hopefully that will help.
The URL I attached before did not work correctly, because it tagged on extra characters at the end. Hopefully the one I've included with my name this time works correctly.
ReplyDeleteSarah from US
DeleteIf I remember correctly, last time, the blog/website had a black page background with color script; your first name was on the upper right side. Your name as a hyperlink was not associated with it yet / you posted the http address. The cover page outlined immediate messages of alert and outline. It was more inviting, had its own distinct look. It looked more appealing even for anyone as a reading script which can slowly build some interest.
http://www.changedirection.org/about/ now linked with your name looks different. Was its name the same last time in the http link you posted?
The list of contact info for the various hotlines is no question a great service. The PR/ website/message, imagery and presentation hopefully might change with projects, campaigns, news and seasons. Aetna health care CEO was recommending yoga several months ago. I notice they are one of the sponsors.
Over all your own commitment and consistency is a journey in its own which is inspiring especially having experienced and understanding what it can be like, and taking it to a level of supporting others with trained skill.
Charlotte, I notice you've added another Kate engagement for May 3.
ReplyDeleteWith the Spanish State visit postponed until July, I wonder how that will figure in with the tours to Germany and Poland that the Duke and Duchess have coming up? Are the dates for the tours public yet? Could there be an arrangement such as that when Charles and Camilla were in Italy and William and Catherine presided at an official function and their HT event? Some of the events seemed to be in competition for news attention. Doesn't sound like good PR. I am sure the FO must coordinate such important activities, yet it seemed like poor planning that time.
It's working now, Sarah.
ReplyDeleteSarah,
ReplyDeleteYes it links from your name. Sorry I got you mixed up with the other Sarah. How can I forget? your chapter/branch is in SC. The last time, the link you posted for the blog connected too. This time,every time your name is here, it will continue to be available through your name. Thank you for your response and the action you took promptly. I came home late, and it was nice to see your post though I did not post confirmation.
We might remind that the main aim of Heads Together is to tackle the stigma and change the conversation, not to push people to act like healers towards people with mental illness. There are loads of charities involved, and those charities are working with professionally trained people.
ReplyDeleteYes, the professionals are in the charities. Nice to have those to direct people to after the conversations have started.
DeleteI've had project commitments this week so am behind on commenting but am so glad everything went beautifully with the marathon. I think William, Harry and Kate giving an example of dialogue was important, as well as opening up - especially Harry on issues - people are far more likely to follow through with dialogue by example.
ReplyDeleteI do think there are some areas for Head's Together to develop. Eventually, I believe it should be a little more specific - I agree with Claudia there's been a clouding of life issues we go through with more serious mental issues that require professional intervention.
Sarah's blog is an excellent place for those of us aware to find help on the correct thing to say when approached - but that should be part of Head's Together - dialogue can be tricky for mental or physical illness. And the link between physical and mental issues is another important area to develop - but it is an excellent start. But from Philly's experience and my own mentioned before, raising the issue and/or offering help must be done with caution - so it's not something that should be made to sound too easy.
The interview with William and Kate was great fun. I didn't like her top at all although it is very of the moment - but I can see why she chose it.
Most of all, it's wonderful seeing the royals involved with this important issue. Diana would be proud.
I was curious about the May 3rd event. Princess Anne is the Patron of Farms for City Children and I was wondering why she wouldn't be going to the event. Although she doesn't seem like someone who likes to go to glitz events and the event is being held at KP so perhaps that's why?
ReplyDelete